Saturday, July 23, 2011

Welcome to the Resistance

It seems there is a diagnosis for everything… Built in excuses for everything and everyone…

I have reached the apex of my profession. By the age of thirty I had achieved all of my professional goals. And it sucks. I’m surrounded by pretentious, pseudo-intellects and I do not possess the required social skills to navigate through the daily routine of gossip and side stepping your responsibilities without offending someone in some way. For the last decade I’ve been bound by confidentiality laws and a sad, misguided devotion to my career. However, I recently had an epiphany….F**k them if they can’t take a joke.

To spare you the details, here is the short version of my long resume. I was a decent student in high-school and excelled in athletics. I attended college at the encouragement of my mother with no clue as to what I wanted to do with my future. I jumped from community college to a private four-year university, racking up massive amounts of student loan debt to find myself in a career whose salary was in no way comparable to my accumulated student loan deficit. The chair of my department, Dr. Meyers advised me after four years of studying history and attaining a prestigious 2.2 GPA that I had two career options.
1.) I could look into sales like Enterprise Rent-A-Car or Disney or
2.) Become a teacher in public education.
Way to go asshole! I am now entering my 13th year in the field of public education…more specifically special education.

I need to preface all of my stories with the fact that I deal with the special ed population because I don’t typically deal with the average, run-of-the-mill student(s) or parents. Seriously, where have all of the normal people gone? This past week I had to take a phone call from a very grumpy parent. Why? They had not received notification regarding their child’s disability compensation. They were very upset because without this additional income they would not be able to have their internet turned back on and without their internet they could not utilize their Netflix. Here’s a thought: Go get a job!

Twenty years ago I was a fairly liberal bleeding heart with compassion to spare. I’m still compassionate for those less fortunate but I dole it out less liberally than I used to. I’d be fooling myself if I thought that my day to day experiences were anything other than a microcosm of the society we live in.

Heartwarming stories that inspire you to be a better person are phenomenal…but how many of them can you read or listen to before you’re ready to take a twelve gauge Tylenol? Stories that make you laugh at those who deserve it….that’s more like it. No matter the line of work you are in…everyone deals with some sort of dysfunction in their lives. Short stories from my book, Salmonella for the Soul celebrate dysfunction. Each story is a true, personal experience I have had (green dildos, giant birds, and faked high-speed chases…honest to God) minus the names and places that have been changed to protect the guilty and shameless.